First of all, I was about to write probably the best blog post you would have ever read (or skimmed): an expose and general fit-throwing about the online world’s incessant use of the term “hacking.” As in, Top Ten Life Hacks. Happiness Hacks. DIY House Hacks. Except, turns out someone at the New Yorker already wrote it (fucker), and it’s pretty good. So, go read it now. I mean, just preface it in your head like this:
“First of all, (read New Yorker article and pretend I wrote it).”
New paragraph:
“Second of all….(insert my blog here— or rather, the following short list).
The Six Life Hacks YOU Need to Know Before your Next Physical Therapy Appointment!
- Don’t call your physical therapist a douche bag to his face.
- Do warn him that you have seen douche bag PTs in the past, and that working with you will be an uphill battle.
- Don’t belittle his career by throwing dollar bills at him and asking him massage your leg.
- When he gets mouthy about you not doing your exercises at home, remind him of his place: “I’m not paying you to think, Bryan.”
- Do approach the entire process with excessive insecurity, because you are right: they were all douche bag-jocks once upon a time, and they are totally judging you for not being able to tie your shoelace without throwing out your back.
- Do check for political affiliation before beginning treatment: do not wait until you are two months in to find out that the douche bag thinks that sexual harassment is a new phenomenon created by the internet.